I was engaged to a man and was almost at the point of getting married. All arrangements had been finalized and date fixed. All these had to be fast-tracked because I was already pregnant. Anyway because the love was so strong between us, so I thought, the pregnancy wasn’t an issue.
On the day of the wedding, he called me up with a strange number to say he couldn’t go on with the plan because there was another woman and he had just arrived a neighboring country.
To cut the story short, I was put into ridicule by family and friends for a failed wedding and pregnancy for a Misfit. I gave birth to my son who is 4years old today. But in honesty, for the last four years, whenever I look at him, all I see is hatred, grief, bitterness and hurt…. This is because he shares a striking resemblance with his father who has caused deep and unforgettable wounds in my heart.
I know it is unfair to have such negative feelings towards one’s son but it’s not something I do on purpose but one who has gone through such trauma would act same way. My mum has asked to take the boy from me and raise as hers cos she knows exactly what I see each day with his face almost like that of his father.
Do I allow someone else raise my son and probably destroy any foundation for mother-child bonding or just hang on with him being around believing all will be well, I hate that I feel this way uncontrollably about my boy because atimes he looks at me and senses the cold attitude towards him. What can I do to help myself?