A woman, 19, has been battling a p0-rn addiction since she was just eight and says an early desire for ‘vanilla’ p0-rn that eventually turned hardc0re led to a string of abusive and violent relationships.
Rebecca has spoken of her 11-year addiction to p0-rn0graphy which she says she first started watching when she saw a movie where a young girl had been kidnapped.
Rebecca, who only wanted to be referred to by her first name, said she was confused by the ‘deep feeling’ the movie brought, and went searching for that feeling again, the now 19-year-old told Tom Tilley for Australians on P0-rn, to air on Monday at 9.30pm on ABC 2.
When I first started watching p0-rn, I would just watch kind of I guess “normal” or “vanilla” p0-rn, just heter0s3xual, just run of the mill,’ Rebecca told the ABC.
‘And then as I got older it started becoming more violent, more aggressive and demeaning, I guess. I would watch it kind of multiple times a day and I felt like I couldn’t stop.
‘I think I definitely lost control of my s3xuality watching the really violent p0-rn and things like bestia.lity.’
Rebecca said her p0-rn addiction escalated by the time she was 16-years-old when relationships turned violent.
She began to fit the submissive role she saw women portrayed as in p0-rn0graphy, she said, and began asking partners to choke her which they were ‘always more than willing to do’.
Because of what she’d seen, Rebecca said she thought it was normal for relationships to be abusive, and that she’d been s3xually assaulted ‘several times’ by her partners.
‘Looking back now, a 16-year-old shouldn’t have been engaging in really violent s3x where there wasn’t a huge amount of respect or love involved,’ Rebecca said.
‘Retrospectively I wish I’d never seen it.’
Still today, the 19-year-old is battling her addiction and visits a psychologist in the hopes of one day enjoying s3x without violence.
‘I just would like to have a respectful, equal relationship,’ Rebecca said. ‘And a life where I feel good about myself and my s3xuality and I can engage in s3x in a really healthy, respectful way.’